Kita sudah terlalu sering menemui perilaku seorang Arman yang "out-of-control" menebar-nebarkan pasir di taman; Sassy yang berumur 3 tahun merengek-rengek minta dibelikan permen di pertokoan; si Robi 7 tahun yang berteriak membentak ibunya "Aku pingin seperti ini!" di sebuah rumah makan, dan masih banyak Robi yang lain yang mungkin mereka adalah salah seorang anak kita.

And we've privately dissed their parents, reassuring ourselves that we'd never be such a wimp if our child was terrorizing the playground or disrupting everyone's dinner.

But then it happens: the massive meltdown that takes you completely by surprise. And suddenly you are that parent — the one flailing to figure out what to do. The truth is, every child presents discipline challenges at every age, and it's up to us to figure out how to handle them.

Why is discipline such a big dilemma? Because it feels like a tightrope act. On one side there's the peril of permissiveness — no one wants to raise a brat. On the other side there's the fear of over-control — who wants to be the hardliner raising cowed, sullen kids?

What we need is a comfortable middle ground to ensure that our little ones grow up to be respectful, caring, and well behaved.

First, the ground rules

To set the stage for discipline success, here are the bottom-line rules many experts agree on:

1. We're all in this together.

Right from the start, teach your kids that your family is a mutual support system, meaning that everyone pitches in. Even a baby can learn to "help" you lift her by reaching out her arms, says Madelyn Swift, founder and director of Childright and author of Discipline for Life, Getting It Right With Children.

2. Respect is mutual.

One of the most common complaints parents and kids have about each other is "You're not listening." Set a good example early on: When your child tries to tell you something, stop what you're doing, focus your attention, and listen. Later you can require the same courtesy from her.

3. Consistency is king.

One good way to raise a child with emotional strength? Be consistent and unwavering about rules and chores, says Harvard professor Dan Kindlon, author of Too Much of a Good Thing. Even if you pick just one chore to insist on, your child will be better off, Kindlon says. "Being firm and consistent teaches your child that you care enough about him to expect responsible behavior."

4. Life's not always fair.

We're so afraid of disappointing or upsetting our kids — too afraid, say some discipline pros. "If a child never experiences the pain of frustration — of having to share a toy or wait their turn in line — or if they're never sad or disappointed, they won't develop psychological skills that are crucial for their future happiness," says Kindlon. So if your child's upset because a younger sibling got a different punishment, for example, it's okay to say "I understand that this seems unfair to you, and I'm sorry you're upset, but life isn't always fair."

Let's improve your English

Speaking English is not as difficult as your thinking. Just speaking, speaking, and speaking, not thinking. Here are some suggestion you can use to improve your speaking. These tips are from A.J. Hoge, an English teacher in San Francisco, USA. He has a Masters degree in Teaching English.
He teaches me a new method for learning and how to study-- to speak English faster and more easily.

Your First Suggestion
Imagine speaking English automatically... without thinking. The words come out of your mouth easily, and fast. You understand instantly. To do this, you must change the way you study English. Your first action is to stop studying English words. What?
Stop studying English words.
That's right, do not memorize words. Native speakers do not learn English by remembering single words. Native speakers learn phrases.Phrases are GROUPS of words that naturally go together.
Research by Dr. James Asher proves that learning with phrases is 4-5 times faster than studying individual words. 4-5 Times Faster.Also, students who learn phrases have much better grammar.
RULE 1: Always Study and Review Phrases, Not Individual Words
Never study a single, individual word. Never.When you find a new word, always write down The Phrase it is in. Always. When you review, always review all of the phrase,.. not the word.
Collect phrases. Your speaking and grammar will improve 4-5 times faster. Always write the complete phrase. Never again study a single word. Never write a single word in your notebook,
Learn Phrases Only. I will discuss the other in the second suggestion.

The second suggestion is Don't Study Grammar . This is your Second Rule.
This is your second rule. Stop studying grammar. Stop studying grammar. Right now. Stop!! Put away your grammar books and textbooks. Grammar rules teach you to think about English, you want to speak automatically-- without thinking! You learn English without grammar study. Your speaking improves quickly. You succeed. You speak English naturally. Many people with this method had so many experiences in speaking English. When they spoke, the words came out automatically and easily. They felt more confident and relaxed all the time. Their English speaking improved so quickly. I also improved my speaking when I set my mind up free from grammar. Just speaking without any thinking. All people feel afraid and nervous in speaking English. They are very very afraid that another will laugh at them if they make many mistakes. That's why they have to study hard about grammar and never try to start speaking. So Rule 2 is: Don't Study Grammar! Free your mind.

The third is the most important rule. Usually the most school ignore it. Most of the student learn English with his eyes- by reading a lot of textbooks, by studying grammar books, by remembering word lists. AJ Hoge said that listening is the most important part in improving my English.
RULE 3: The Most Important Rule-- Listen Listening, listening, listening. You must listen to UNDERSTANDABLE English. You must listen to English EVERYDAY. Don't read textbooks. Listen to English. It's quite simple. That is the key to your English success. Stop reading textbooks. Start listening everyday. **Learn With Your Ears, Not Your Eyes. In most schools, you learn English with your eyes. You read textbooks. You study grammar rules. You have to learn English with your ears, not your eyes. You can listen to the simple story or simple speaking. Then you have to listen carefully and your speaking improves quickly. You will speak English easily. Spend most of your study time listening- that is the key to the great speaking.

The fourth suggestion is deep learning
Many students learn more words when studying English. They expect to memorize more words to face the English test in order to pass the test with a good grade. But they cannot understand native speakers. They cannot use those many words in speaking automatically. It is very difficult for them to speak because they forget many words.
RULE 4: Slow, Deep Learning Is Best Learning
The secret to speaking easily is to learn every word & phrase DEEPLY. It's not enough to know a definition. It's not enough to remember for a test. You must put the word deep into your brain. To speak English easily, you must repeat each lesson many times. You must learn English deeply. Learn deeply, speak easily. Learn deeply, speak easily. How do you learn deeply? Easy-- just repeat all lessons or listening many times. For example, if you have an audio book, listen to the first chapter 30 times before you go to the second chapter. You could listen to the first chapter 3 times each day, for 10 days.

The fifth is how you learn the grammar naturally. You will automatically use the correct verb tense. Don't study the grammar rules.
RULE 5: Use Point Of View Mini-Stories
I call these stories "Point Of View Mini-Stories". They are the most powerful way to learn and use English grammar automatically. Use Point of View Stories for Automatic Grammar. You must learn grammar by listening to real English. The best way is to listen to the same story... told in different times (points of view): Past, Perfect, Present, Future.
How do you do this? Easy! Find a story or article in the present tense. Then ask your native speaker tutor to write it again in the Past, with Perfect tenses, and in the Future. Finally, ask him to read and record these stories for you.
Then you can listen to story with many different kinds of grammar. You don't need to know the grammar rules. Just listen to the Point of View stories and you will improve grammar automatically!
You can also find Point of View lessons and use them to learn grammar automatically.
It is powerful. It is very simple. You will use correct grammar naturally and automatically. This is the secret to English grammar.

The sixth suggestion is learning Real English, not textbook English. Most of the students learn English in the textbook. They rarely learn from native speakers or real English materials.
Rule 6: You Must Learn Real English -- learning the English we use everyday in conversations, books, movies, TV shows, comic books, audio books, articles, newspapers, magazines, and podcasts.
Stop Learning Textbook English. If you want to understand native speakers, you must stop learning English from textbook tapes and CDs. To learn real English,
you must listen to English that native speakers listen to,
You must watch what they watch,
You must read what they read.
Listen and learn only to real English! Not textbook English
How do you learn Real English? It's easy. Stop using textbooks. Instead, listen only to real English movies, TV shows, audio books, audio articles, stories, and talk radio shows. Use real English materials.
Only Use Real English Lessons & Materials. You must learn real English if you want to understand native speakers and speak easily. Use real magazines, audio articles, TV shows, movies, radio talk shows, and audio books.

The last is the easiest rule of all. Most English CDs use "listen and repeat". The speaker says something in English, and you repeat exactly what they said. This method is a failure.
RULE 7: Listen and Answer, not Listen and Repeat
Use Listen & Answer Mini-Story Lessons. In each Mini-Story Lesson, a speaker tells a short simple story. He also asks a lot of easy questions. Every time you hear a question, you pause and answer it. You learn to answer questions quickly-- without thinking. Your English becomes automatic.
How can you use Listen & Answer Stories? Easy! Find a native speaker tutor. Ask him to use this method: Ask him to tell a story and to constantly ask you easy questions about it. This will teach you to think quickly in English!
You can also find Listen & Answer lessons. They will teach you to think quickly in English.
Good luck with your English speaking. Have a great day!